Navigating the Conversation: How to Address Concerns About Your Therapeutic Relationship and Counseling Experience

To fully benefit from counseling and enhance your mental wellness, it’s essential to have a strong and trusting relationship with your therapist. It’s natural to feel worried, upset, or frustrated if your expectations of the counseling experience are not being met.

Whether you have experienced limited or no improvement, noticed an inappropriate demeanor from your counselor, felt judged, sensed that your words aren’t being fully heard, or felt that the therapeutic approach utilized by your counselor doesn’t adequately match your personality, it is important to share your concerns with your counselor. Openly providing feedback to your counselor can be helpful as they work to make adjustments that help ensure your needs are being met effectively. Here’s how you can be assertive and approach a conversation with your counselor regarding the concerns mentioned.

Addressing the Concerns

Therapy isn’t helping

If you’ve assessed your progress over time and feel there has been minimal or no improvement, share this with your counselor by saying, “I’m feeling __________ because I haven’t noticed much improvement in my mental wellness since starting counseling. Should I have expected to see progress by now?” Your counselor will likely appreciate your openness and potentially explain how the time required to see positive changes from counseling can vary based on factors like the frequency of sessions, presenting concerns, and therapeutic goals. Additionally, your counselor may review and alter your therapy plan and goals to better align with your needs.

Inappropriate therapeutic demeanor and/or boundaries

Are you spending most of your sessions listening to personal stories from your counselor and discussing pastimes and interests? Alternatively, do you feel that your counselor is not dedicating enough time to building a strong therapeutic or creating a welcoming, empathic space? It is important to find a healthy balance between being personable and maintaining professional boundaries to ensure therapeutic goals are met. To address concerns about boundaries, you might say to your counselor, “I feel that our therapeutic relationship could be improved. Could we work together to find a balance between creating a safe and welcoming space and making sure adequate time is spent discussing my concerns and needs?”

Also, while it can be normal for you and your counselor to not share the same values and beliefs, it is unacceptable for a counselor to disrespect you or attempt to change your social and/or spiritual values. If you experienced this, do not hesitate to communicate your boundaries by stating, “Please respect my values and beliefs and refrain from pushing your own on to me.”

Feelings of judgment

While it’s normal for counseling to involve deep discussions that push you to challenge your thought patterns and behaviors, you should never experience being judged or criticized. If you are feeling like a failure in counseling or unclear about whether you are being supported, it may indicate that your therapeutic relationship needs attention. In this scenario, you can say to your counselor, “I feel uncomfortable and judged when we talk about my thoughts, behaviors, and life experiences.” Your counselor will likely take your feedback seriously, engage in self-reflection, and work to strengthen the therapeutic relationship.

Lack of effective communication

It is important for your counselor to engage in “active listening” to ensure that you feel heard and are making meaningful progress toward your therapeutic goals. If you feel that your counselor misunderstands you, seems uninterested, or isn’t finding the balance between talking and listening, it is important to address this concern. For example, you might say, “I often feel you do not fully understand or seem to care about what I am trying to convey. Is it possible to work on improving our communication and collaboration during sessions?”

Conflict between the therapeutic approach and your personality

Many counselors utilize specific types of therapy in their sessions (cognitive behavioral therapy, narrative therapy, acceptance, and commitment therapy, mindfulness techniques, and more) that may not align with your personality. If you have questions or concerns about your counselor’s therapeutic approach, you may ask, “Can you explain the therapeutic approach you utilize in our sessions? I’m unsure if it is a good fit for my personality and needs.” Your counselor will likely share their therapeutic approach and collaborate with you to find an alternative approach that may suit you better.

My concerns are still not being addressed. What should I do?

Feel free to reach out to our administrative team at 804-277-9355 to inquire about being matched with a new counselor that better suits your needs, personality, and style of communication. At Health in Mind, we are dedicated to your journey to health and wellness from “hello” to “farewell.”